Monday, December 21, 2015

Dealing with Life

I typed the following a couple of months ago, but I was not ready to post it. Now, though, I think I am.
My last post was 3 months ago. That doesn't mean that I haven't been on my fitness journey, at least for the most part. It means that life has gotten in the way, and I just haven't had or made the time to write. In my last post, I alluded to something happening that renewed my desire to be fit. That something was my mother's diagnosis of colon cancer at the end of June.
I have to be honest, I NEVER thought that I'd have to deal with cancer in my family. I'm not sure why, I realize now that it was very naive of me. But, it just wasn't anything that really had been in my family. So, when my mom's diagnosis came, it was colon cancer but it initially was found in her liver, which meant that it had spread. Which meant that it was Stage IV. We were told that eventually the cancer would be terminal, but we had hope that aggressive chemotherapy would allow her a few more years.
From July 9 until August 29, she really only got 3 chemo treatments. We thought that she was doing okay, since she was still going to work many of the days, when she felt up to it. However, on August 29, my father took her to the hospital, thinking that she was dehydrated. Her kidneys were beginning to shut down. The hospital stay led to finding out that the cancer had spread even more...the cancer in the liver had turned into its own tumor and it also had spread into her lungs. So she decided not to prolong things and opted to forego dialysis. As a result, she passed away the day after Labor Day.
Needless to say, my exercise and nutrition have been affected. I did start my Body Beast program on July 13, the day after my last post. I stayed consistent with that up until the week of my mother's passing. Since then, I have gone out to exercise, although it has been less frequent. As well, I have found my eating to be more fueled by comfort to an extent.
And I am okay with that right now. But I don't want to stay there. I CAN'T stay there. I know it's not the healthiest choices. But, I've given myself some grace during this time, because I know this is what I need, too. When I think about getting up at 4:30 in order to get my workout in, some days I've known that my body just needs the rest and I stay in bed. I've said it before, this fitness journey is a marathon. Yes, I initially lost 28 pounds and I've gained about 10-14 of those back. (However, some of that has been increased muscle with the Body Beast program.) But life happens. You aren't always going to feel like making the good choices, even 80% of the time. The key for me is to get back in it now.
Since I initially started this "Fit After 40" journey at the end of July/beginning of August 2014, I have really enjoyed seeing more strength, definition, and stamina. I don't want to lose that. And if I continue to allow myself to make those unhealthy choices, I will eventually stop making ANY healthy choices. And I don't want to do that, because then it makes it that much more difficult to start making the healthy choice again.
So now, a couple of months after writing that, we're right in the middle of the holidays, and my motivation is pretty low. Especially when I think back to how I was doing last year. Since September I generally have maintained exercising two to three days a week, until the last couple of weeks. My eating has not been that great, though, which makes more of a difference. But, I'm still determined to get myself back on my journey at some point. Of course, the new year is the time that pretty much everyone decides to get on that journey, so I guess I'll be in good company. 

I just didn't want to let my journey go, or let my blog go. I wanted to let people know where I was, although pretty much most of my readers probably knew from Facebook. But like I have said several times, and again in the above section written a couple of months ago, a fitness journey (and life) is a marathon. There will be several steps forward, and then some backward. Some victories and some defeats. I want to, I NEED to, get back to that 80% rule. Making healthy choices 80% of the time. So let this be an encouragement to anyone who is struggling to get that motivation back. I'm there. But I refuse to stay there. Sometimes it's just baby steps, but the momentum can get started. 

I hope to still keep people updated on this in the upcoming weeks.

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